Learn to Forget

Memory is one of life’s most cherished gifts, a cascade of moments that shape our identities and enrich our journeys. Yet, have you ever pondered the quiet power of forgetfulness? If memory is a beacon illuminating our path, forgetfulness is the gentle shadow offering solace and reprieve.
Memories, whether joyous or painful, weave the intricate fabric of our lives. The laughter shared with loved ones, the milestones celebrated, and fleeting moments of bliss warm our hearts. But alongside these cherished recollections are memories of loss, heartbreak, and failure—shadows that can weigh heavily on our spirits. These painful echoes often resurface unbidden, challenging our ability to move forward.
If memory is a gift, the ability to forget is an art—a vital skill for maintaining sanity, balance, and resilience. Life’s essence doesn’t arise from clinging to every moment but from our ability to release burdensome memories that hinder growth and peace.
Philosopher Plato once described memory as the “preservation of sensation.” By extension, forgetfulness becomes the gentle cessation of that sensation—a release from pain’s relentless grip. The heart-wrenching loss of a loved one can plunge us into an abyss of grief, but over time, forgetfulness softens the edges of sorrow, offering a gradual return to equilibrium. It does not erase the essence of the person or event; rather, it dims the intensity of the emotional sting, allowing us to breathe again.
Children exemplify the art of forgetting. A child, scolded for a misdeed, may cry momentarily but soon returns to laughter and play. This remarkable ability to let go reminds us of pain’s transient nature and the futility of clinging to bitterness or regret. From children, we learn that forgetting is not dismissiveness but a vital step toward healing and renewal.
Time, often called the great healer, plays a crucial role in this process. The sharp pangs of grief or regret gradually soften with its passage, and the frequency of painful memories diminishes. Even profound sorrow loses its overwhelming grip, allowing life’s brighter hues to reemerge. As Marcus Tullius Cicero observed, “The memory of past sorrow is often tinged with sweetness.” Forgetfulness tempers sorrow, enabling us to cherish life once more.
How, then, does one cope with the sudden loss of a young child, a loving spouse, or a caring parent—a loss that strikes like a bolt from the blue? Such profound grief requires immense strength and courage. These raw and relentless memories can overwhelm us, but it is essential to grieve fully and seek ways to honour the love shared. Cherish positive memories as a source of comfort and gradually redirect your focus to the present. Engaging in meaningful rituals, leaning on loved ones for support, and embracing creative or meditative practices can help channel grief constructively. While the pain may never completely vanish, choosing to live and love again fosters a gentle coexistence with loss.
Without the gift of forgetfulness, life could become an unbearable weight—an endless loop of relived pain. Forgetting does not mean erasing; it means relinquishing the power certain memories hold over us. It is a soothing balm that enables us to move forward with hope and resilience. To forget is to honour life’s rhythm of holding on and letting go.
Learning to forget is not a passive act but a deliberate choice. It is an essential art of living—a way to reclaim joy, restore balance, and rediscover the beauty of the present moment. As poet Christina Rossetti wrote:
“Forget the grief that lies within,
Let past sorrows ebb and thin.
In life’s renewal, find your grace,
Embrace the dawn’s tender embrace.”
Forgetting allows us to turn the page and step into the promise of new beginnings.

(Uday Kumar Varma is an IAS officer. Retired as Secretary, Ministry of Information & Broadcasting)